Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
