Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
