apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
