I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
