Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
