mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to cum in my sink.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
