Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
