it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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