Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I could fuck to npr.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
