i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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