I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
