I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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