listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
