He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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