You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
