Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
