Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
