So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
