i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
