how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
