Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
