I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We have started to decorate penises.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
