God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just crazy horny about you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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