So drunk its hurt
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
