He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
