If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
