Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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