he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
