yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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