I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
