I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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