No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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