Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
