actually, I'm a sock model
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
