Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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