hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
