On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
