i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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