Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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