I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We have started to decorate penises.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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