I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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