So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
