Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
