We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
