We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
