You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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