I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
