I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
