just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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