I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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