Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
