someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
